reclaiming my childhood feels a lot more like scraping my knee than running through the sprinklers. i get to wear fun outfits and ruffly socks, but there’s nothing cute about this – believe you me. it hurts to realize that reclaiming a childhood means you never got one to begin with. it’s hard to want to be a kid again right at the age that everyone expects you to grow up. it sucks to feel like you want to be taken care of while knowing that no one could do it better than you can because you’ve been doing it your whole life. you’re an expert at being an adult even though, technically, you barely are one.
all i want to do is do something reckless! all i want to do is not know what i want to do. be limitless! i want to fly around the world! i want to start a new career every week! i want to try all the things!
and i will and i can and i know i’ll be okay. i guess that’s the power of being an adult who’s aging backwards: you know that the pain and the anxiety and the lack of support doesn’t matter all that much anyway. you know you’ll be okay because you’ve done nothing but be okay forever. and you’ll always have that to fall back on.
so, if you’re like me and you want nothing more than to find some lightness and some play: trust that being a grown up will always be there for you when you’re ready to return to it. and for now, go be reckless, seize the fucking day.